


Hans is a genius

by DopePie



Series: Proof that Hans Landa has a heart [2]
Category: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Genre: Aldo Raine - Freeform, Aldo Raine's tiddies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hans Landa - Freeform, Hans being gay, Hooking up, Implied Sexual Content, Inglorious Basterds - Freeform, Is this fandom still alive?? I'm so alone, Kissing, M/M, Mild Smut, Nothing happens....yet, Self-Indulgent, This is....so unnecessary, i dunno, no beta we die like men, this is just so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24250153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DopePie/pseuds/DopePie
Summary: Hans likes Aldo's pecs, a LOT...do I need to say more?
Relationships: Hans Landa/Aldo Raine
Series: Proof that Hans Landa has a heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723537
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49





	Hans is a genius

**Author's Note:**

> I uhhh-  
> I don't know why I am posting this, it's short and self-indulgent  
> Leave a kudos to join the "We-Love-Aldo-Raine's-Tiddies" club, so far it's just me and Hans

He couldn’t quite tell when his fascination with Aldo’s pecs started.

One day, a lovely Sunday, Aldo had decided to wear a new t-shirt from the pile that Hans had neatly stacked on his bed.

Now, for those who knew him, Aldo’s wardrobe was mostly made up of formal shirts, uniforms and a few old tees, mostly from local thrift shops and such.

Hans had taken the initiative to throw out some of the older ones, ignoring Aldo’s weak complaints while he chucked a dirty, stained shirt that had more holes in it than actual cotton into the trash, forcing him to go out and pick some new ones.

Aldo hadn’t been shopping in a while and to be fair Hans was part of the reason why.

It wasn’t his fault if Aldo had a terrible sense of style, so he had to counterbalance by buying him new things - Aldo had to admit he was pretty good at it, too - and left him with only one choice: the color.

So, as Aldo lifted the shirt up as if it would change shapes - spoiler alert, it didn’t - he squinted and grimaced at the size of it.

“Welp, worst thing that could happen….”

As he pulled it over his head, he realized just how stretchy the material was, and as it brushed over his shoulders and back he realized that it was indeed fitting- maybe a little too perfect of a fit.

He walked to his mirror and did a few poses, satisfied with the way it wrapped nicely around his biceps and stretched around his waist and hips.

He wasn’t a particularly vain man, so he just shrugged the oddity of it and just went on with his day.

Hans, who had been sitting on the couch reading a book, heard him coming down the steps.

“Hey uhh, y’sure this is my size? It feels a bit uhh….tight.”

Hans quickly looked up from the page and almost chucked it at the wall.  
Aldo was wearing one of the shirts he’d bought, a lovely olive green that complimented his eyes oh so well, and it was exactly as good as he’d imagined.

Aldo scratched the back of his head nervously and placed the other hand on his hip, standing in the doorway and looking at Hans, who had stopped breathing in favor of staring open-mouthed at him.

He must’ve been staring for a little too long without answering because Aldo ever-so-nicely snapped his fingers and raised an eyebrow.

“You ‘aight, buttercup?”

Hans closed his mouth and cleared his throat, ignoring the burning in his cheeks as he removed his glasses and closed the book, placing it on the closest surface.

He then proceeded to stand up and walk towards Aldo, still silent.

Aldo chuckled nervously, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.  
“Hey, what’s up? You ‘kay?”

Hans simply nodded and, with the most resolute look in his blue eyes, proceeded to lift his hands and grab both of Aldo’s pecs, giving a gentle squeeze at the hard flesh.

Aldo was too startled to react immediately, his body tensing in his usual fight response to new touches, which only made Hans whimper.

The smaller man then blushed profusely and tilted his head away from Aldo, who was snickering as he secured his hands on Hans’ hips.

“I- I apologize, uhm….this sounds so silly, but uhm….I just- I-“

“You wanted me to show off? You could’ve just asked, y’know?”

Aldo’s southern drawl was just amplified when he spoke in a low, sensual voice, and Hans felt like he’s fallen into a trap he’d set himself.

“Ah, well- actually, yes. I- I wanted to….to, uhm….”

Hans attempted to look up to Aldo’s face again, but the words caught in his throat as his partner’s face was radiating with affection, making him babble and trail off in a mess of english-german mumbling.

Aldo leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead, the gentlest of touches, and Hans just let out a simple ‘sigh’.

His hands were still firmly planted on Aldo’s chest, so he felt his rumbly laughter before hearing it.  
“Well, I’ll be damned. I do look good though.”

Hans gave him a coy smile of his and leaned up, kissing him softly.

Aldo kissed back just as quickly and licked Hans’ lips as if asking for permission.

The smaller man moaned in the quiet room and opened his mouth to Aldo’s intrusive tongue.

They stood there kissing for god knows how long before they both needed more than just a breath.  
Aldo winked at him and nodded towards the couch.

Hans grinned, his usual confidence shining through as he pulled Aldo’s hand and fell backwards, the larger man having to support his weight not to fall on him.

Hans looked at Aldo’s body, sculpted like a greek statue, and sighed.

“I truly am a genius.”

Aldo chuckled.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the best I can do during finals, forgive me lmao  
> I doubt anyone will even read it? This fandom is DEAD af
> 
> Anyways, if you do read it (why???) I hope ya enjoy this piece of crap!  
> As always, have a good day, buh-bye :3


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